I was raised as a Catholic but as life went on I began to see the inconsistencies.

 One afternoon, after church, I sat alone in my room staring at the cross on the wall asking questions no one alive could answer. 

Wars had broken out all over the world and it made me question my faith. 

It made me question if God was a real celestial being or a fictitious figure, a place holder for an event science has yet to figure out. 

…

When Christianity was first created, it was a small cult-like religion in the region of Palestine and Israel, which those from other more popular religions tried to hide away and persecute those who followed Christianity. 

However, it caught the attention of Emperor Constantine of Rome who spread the religion around the old world. 

Now, it is the most widely practiced religion in the world, which led me to ask, if those in the ancient world tried so hard to bury Christianity, why?

Was it simply because these people didn’t like the fact that this new religion was forming? 

Or was it something more?

 What was so bad about this religion that its flames needed to be snuffed out and extinguished? 

Question. 

So many questions. 

…

If God was all powerful, why doesn’t he prevent the thought of war; stopping war from the root?

 If God was all good, why doesn’t he help those in need; the homeless, the displaced, the refugees, the children who are living on the streets malnourished, cold, and alone? 

Why doesn’t God give every child a safe and loving family with two parents who will care for them and raise them to the best of their ability?

If God is all loving, why doesn’t he love gay men, lesbian women, transgender people, those who are discriminated against, and those with different shades of skin? 

If God created everyone and everything, then he has also created war, unrest, racism, discrimination, murder, rape, abuse, violence, weapons, everything bad in the world…and yet, we still believe in him.

Why?

If God created man in his image, why does he harbor such disdain towards women? 

If God created the universe, were humans his first act of life? 

And if so, then did he make us so horribly that he never dared to create any other form of life? 

Is this why we cannot find any other signs of life within our universe?

Does God stay in heaven for fear of what he’s created or because he no longer has the power to commune with those on Earth?

Had God grown tired of hearing our pleading through our prayers?

If God can still hear our prayers, why hasn't he ever answered mine?

Why did God give my father cancer?

Why did God not spare my father when I begged on my knees at nine-years-old?

Why did God send my brothers to war only to be killed in action, leaving my mother and I alone?

Why didn't God keep my brothers safe?

Why did God send my mother to work at the Tuberculosis ward, only to give her the same fate as those she was caring for?

Why did God leave me alone in this world?

Why didn't God send me to heaven with them?

Does God enjoy how ridiculous I look when I pray at an alter to a statue of his son who may or may not have even existed?

Does God enjoy how many have been hurt in his name? 

Does God enjoy our suffering? Is this why he never answers our prayers for peace? Because he enjoys our suffering?

God has never given me anything to say he exists. Why not?

Why should I believe in the bible if it follows the same storylines as a fairytale?

What did I do to lose everyone I love?

Why didn't this fictitious God save me like I was told he would? 

Why so many unanswered questions?

Why is my whole world breaking?

If there is a God, where is he now? 

If not in heaven, then where? 

He’s never been with me at all. 

Maybe God truly is a fairytale.